Josh Goldberg | New Possibilities & Education

A key reason why it’s so important to build great habits is that they create space for us to do the deeper work around PTG, to work on intentionally growing in each of those five areas and outcomes. As we do that, our capacity to support others grows exponentially. That’s been my experience, and I hope yours as well.

The first of these outcomes or domains that I want to focus on is new possibilities, and I want to go into detail on what new possibilities means in the context of posttraumatic growth. The way it’s defined is this: the sense that new possibilities have emerged from the struggle, opening up possibilities that were not present before.

Some of you may know my personal story, while others may not. But I spent ten years working in corporate America. The idea that I would be sitting in this chair talking about these subjects with you is improbable, and the only reason why it was possible is because I went through immense struggle in my life. It was possible because I had incredible guides and teachers who helped me see what I was capable of doing. Without it, I never would have considered the possibility of doing any of this. It never would have been a part of my life, and my life is so much richer for all the struggles that I’ve been through—precisely because it’s opened up so many amazing possibilities in my life.

One of my favorite parts about PTG is that Dr. Tedeschi and Rich and Lawrence, the co-founders of this amazing science, were intent on listening to the voices and the words of the people who experienced growth after trauma and struggle. They wanted to hear what these folks had to say. And one of the greatest testaments to their commitment to listening is that the instrument that those doctors created to measure growth, which is called the Posttraumatic Growth Inventory, has twenty-five statements that cut across the five areas. And those statements are the actual words of people that Rich and Lawrence met. These aren’t the words of experts or some observer—they’re the words of people who’ve been in the arena and who’ve struggled and who’ve learned.

When it comes to new possibilities, there are five statements that capture the essence of what this means. The first is that I’ve developed new interests. When we are struggling poorly or we have the strong sense that this isn’t what our life is supposed to be about, we start to look around for new ways of being—new habits, new practices. For me, that was meditation in a big way, spin class, focusing on being introspective and self-reflective, working to cultivate calm, reading for the first time in my life. It was also about a significant pursuit of being of service. Each of those interests I just described became a key part of who I am and helped me connect with new and amazing people that have fundamentally enriched and altered my life.

One of the biggest realizations I had along my journey of struggle to strength and growth was that I didn’t actually know myself very well. I knew the version that I portrayed out in the world—the character that I played—but I didn’t know, deep down, what made me tick. And I got the opportunity to explore what resonated with me, which is something I never would have done without my struggle.

The second statement about what new possibility means in terms of posttraumatic growth is that I established a new path for my life. Now we’re a little bit biased because one of our signature programs at Boulder is called Warrior PATHH, and the use of the term “path” resonates with me deeply. When I think about path, I think about the amazing Joseph Campbell, who has a quote that said, “If you are standing on a path and you can see where it leads, it isn’t your path, because your path can only be carved with your own footsteps.” I shared my journey of shifting from a life focused on myself to one focused on others—going from the corporate world to the nonprofit world, from the civilian world to the warrior world. In so many ways, none of these transformations would have been feasible without the earthquakes that occurred in my life.

One of the biggest challenges that we encounter in life is we get stuck at the transition points. That could be after losing someone close to us, getting divorced, departing a profession like being a service member or first responder and transitioning out—things that require a lot of commitment and passion. When we realize that each phase of our life is a springboard for the next one, we start to get curious. We start to explore the nearly infinite possibilities that exist.

When I think about this and I think about the communities we serve, I’m reminded of a quote from a Marine General friend of ours that he would share at boot camp. He would tell these young Marines, he would say, “Don’t let the military be the last great thing you do.” That’s true for any pursuit in our life. And the question is, how do we travel through the struggle and pain to find that new path and make sure that what’s been isn’t the end of the journey but merely a part of it? That is the objective of every program at Boulder Crest—helping people find a new path and the next version of you. Helping you decide who you want to be, how you want to be, how you want to make your impact felt in the way of service and success and significance.

The third statement is the idea that I’m able to do better things with my life. When we struggle, we struggle. And things happen, and some of those things aren’t great. We hurt people that we care about. We can cause fear in the eyes of people that we are sworn to protect. One of the components of posttraumatic growth that’s so important is the idea that we get the opportunity to do better things with our life because of our struggle.

When I think about this idea, I think about the day after my wife and I decided to get divorced. My boss Ian asked to go on a walk with me. And Ian was a Marine, and he had been divorced. And so after we’re walking for quite a while side by side, he stopped, and I stopped, and he looked me in the eyes and he said, “Do you know the best thing about getting divorced?” Now, as you might imagine, I was in a dark place and I wasn’t happy, and I said, “No, Ian, I don’t know the best thing about getting divorced,” in that tone. And he said, “Stick with me, I’ve been there.” He said, “The best part about getting divorced is that you can go wherever you want to go, and you can be whoever you want to be. You could have a life you never would have imagined any other way.” That was his story, and that message of hope he imparted upon me—that things could be better—it stung in that moment, but it planted critical seeds that helped me realize that I should have some hope and an understanding of the possibilities that existed in the future.

The fourth statement is the idea that new opportunities are available which wouldn’t have been otherwise. If not for the struggle, if not for the challenge, if not for the suffering—this wouldn’t be a possibility. This wouldn’t be an opportunity. You meet people you never would have met. You do things you never would have done. It raises the powerful question: whether life is happening to you or life is happening for you.

The last is I’m more likely to try to change the things that need changing. One of our beliefs is that there are two kinds of people in the world: victims and warriors. Victims ask, “Why me?” They assume the world has a vendetta against them and that everything that happens is a version of cosmic punishment. Warriors are people who refuse to be victims of circumstance or products of their environment. When we walk this path of PTG, we get the opportunity to make a choice. Are we going to wallow in our suffering, or are we going to figure out how to transform it? We get the opportunity to think about how we want to be and do differently in the next phase of our life. To learn, to grow, and to transform.

We know that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Making changes in your daily routine, your friend group, how you spend your time, the way you express gratitude, how you carry yourself—those are some of the new possibilities that exist in all of our lives. The need to grow and change is a deep human need. Recognizing what we need to do to foster that growth mindset and continue to evolve is what we get to do.

I want to remind you and reiterate that those five statements I just shared with you come from people who’ve walked the path of posttraumatic growth. They have lived it, and their statements reflect some of the wisdom they gained on their journey. They also reflect an invitation for the rest of us. At the core of new possibilities is the notion of hope—the idea that our actions can create change in our lives.

And there are so many examples of people—from Viktor Frankl and Edith Eger at the Nazi concentration camps to the prisoners of war at the Hanoi Hilton—who show us that in any circumstance, we can still choose who we want to be and how we want to be.

So what I want you to do is spend time to reflect on new possibilities in your life, and I want you to reflect on three questions. The first: What does new possibilities mean to you? We shared what it means to us. What does it mean to you? The second is: Where have you spotted and seized new possibilities in your life? And the third: Why would it benefit your life to have new possibilities?